Hillary Clinton Turns Down Secretary of State Cabinet Position

In an unexpected turn of events, Hillary Clinton told Barack Obama to, "Shove it," regarding his offer she become Secretary of State in the Obama cabinet.

"I was supposed to be president. The media promised me," and reminded reporters about their new houses and vacation time shares in Alaska.

Barack Obama released a statement:

I'm stunned. I was certain she would take whatever crumbs I offered. I needed a secretary. She needed a job. I thought, in my bid to help America's economy, I could hire her off the street, and keep her from skid row. Her insolence surprises me, especially after the sweet manner she ran her campaign. I needed a right hand man, and Hillary clearly was the one for it. Finding manly men in my party is hard, as we all know.