Barack Obama Rejects the Nobel Peace Prize (repost)

In a brief, but eloquent speech, President Barack Obama turns down the esteemed Nobel Peace Prize.

Realizing the award's intrinsic deficiencies that ruined the musical career of U2 front man and 2008 winner Bono, who ever after turned out songs no one liked, and of Yasser Arafat. Arafat, famously peaceful and anti-military until his 1994 award, but then turned into a warmongering beast. The President wisely knew he was not capable of pressing through the tests such an award can offer. He was not as strong as Jimmy Carter, also a US president, who accepted the award in 2002, and since then has always said the right thing.

The President recognized he was not being awarded by just the Nobel committee, but a vast legion of interspatial congregation of lords.

"Lord Lightyear, Lord Spock, Lord Mork, Lord Jar Jar, and Lord Kal-El, I am honored. Citizens of the universe and of that vague place called heaven, I cannot in good faith accept this cherished prize so long as we are at war, and so long as the Peace Mother lives."

He then whispered something in Neptunian to indicate his oneness with the universe, "No-Salami Yukkum", meaning: "Peace be upon plants and animals, who are our gods." It was also an acknowledgement to the universal commission for the ethical treatment of plant life. Up until the Obama Administration, the vegan and vegetarian community, teamed up insidiously with the evil omnivorians, terrorized the vegetable world, methodical ripping plant life from their native land and devouring them. Then, a quiet mineral eater spoke with a loud voice, "Remember the lichen," and protests ensued, almost destroying all life in the known interplanetary stellar regions. The President's nod continued as he celebrated his prize rejection by lifting up a glass of purified hydrogen-oxygen drink and breaking nutrient bread, a tasty nitrogen bar dipped in a carbonic sauce.

Cindy 'Pizza Mom' Sheehan Protests Rose Bowl, Hits on George Bush

At great odds with the aggressive style of football between two of America's top universities, Cindy Sheehan has joined a throng of anti-footballians to protest this year's Rose Bowl.

Tournament of Roses President CL Keedy responded to Pizza Mom Sheehan by saying, "Her own son played football, but was tackled. Sad? We think so too. This America's great sport of warriors, and he was not much on the field. We understand he was cut from the practice team in junior high. Humiliating? Yes, but football is not for bench warmers."

Sheehan argued that if she could just meet with Keedy, she could explain to him to errors of football. She camped out for a few weeks in front of his office, but Keedy wasn't there. He was watching the Rose Bowl cheerleaders in his 'secret place'.

"If controversy like this diminishes the positive impact of the Rose Parade, it would be of concern," Pasadena Mayor Bill Bogaard said. He continued, "But who is kidding who here is Cindy. We know she's just trying to scare up some tickets any way she can. Her bookie suggested if she was at the game, the other team, the one she is betting against, might lose."

Anne Coulter piped in, "Cindy can have my tickets. The University of Illinois has asked me to suit up, and those liberal University of Southern California Trojans are a bunch of pansies. I'm a Fighting Illini now, baby."

George Bush was asked about his thoughts of Cindy's participation in this protest.

"Cindy and me. We go way back. Not as far back as Bill and Monica, but she wanted to jump my bones back at Crawford, TX," said George.

"See, now, Laura and I aren't into that kind of thing. Just because Jenna and Barbara are living on the wild side doesn't mean Laura and me swing that way. We're United Methodists, you know, and we're conservative.

"But, hey, I'm a compassionate conservative. I think my buddy Dick Cheney is around, and he's said he thinks Cindy's pretty hot. He's into wrinkly mommas."

Anti-war and human rights activists to protest at Rose parade

Rose Parade

Cindy Sheehan threatens to run against Nancy Pelosi

Cindy Sheehan threatens to run against Nancy Pelosi

What happens when a large (but small) group of ardent, well-meaning antiwar protesters build a symbol, and the symbol does not realize that is all she was? What of the symbol wants to be real.

Cindy Sheehan, not quite catching on that she was a brand name for antiwar efforts, thinks she has become the marketing about her.

Pro-abortion symbol 'Roe' as in Roe v Wade actual name Norma L. McCorvey) wanted to be real. Norma realized later she was a pawn, saw the shallowness, and converted to Christianity, and now, ironically, speaks at pro-life events.

Of all the crazy competition Hillary Clinton is facing, all are actually competent. Same with the Republican line-up.

Here in Illinois, Mike Ditka (Chicago Bears head coach in the 1980s, and loved by Illinois citizens) considered running against Barack Obama. Da Coach believed that Obama stood for something far more liberal than Illinois deserved. Why didn't he run? He realized name recognition was not enough. He didn't know how to do the job.

Why?

On the front of it all, Sheehan thinks Pelosi should file impeachment papers against George Bush. Fair enough. She does not know how to file them herself, and might not realize the legal requirements for impeachment.

Nancy Pelosi is not conservative. She's the Newt Gingrich of liberal politics. She has an agenda, is not willing to seriously negotiate if she can bulldoze on though, and has the power to get things done. That said, she hasn't filed impeachment papers. Why not?

Maybe she realizes

• Impeachment would be bad for the country. she saw the silly proceedings against Bill Clinton.
• Bush is not guilty of any impeachment-type laws or can't be proved as having broken the laws.
• Has bigger fish to fry, like getting troops home from Iraq.
• Politically has negotiated that she avoid impeachment for the sake of something else she wants.
• Is gathering evidence, but is not quite ready to impeach.
• Knows by the time she can get things ready for impeachment, the 2008 election is here.
• Knows the political downside to impeaching Bush might be that the Democrats will lose the 2008 election.
• Any, neither, all of the above.

To Cindy Sheehan: you are so goofy, you are helping convince many fence sitters to go pro-Bush or pro-war. I love free speech, so keep on speaking, but, try to do some of that speaking to a therapist. She will help you realize the Messiah is someone else.